i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
