I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
