Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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