I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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