it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The air taste purple.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
