Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
