I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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