you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
