I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
