my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My life is pants optional.
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