We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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