im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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