I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
