Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
