Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
