I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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