if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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