i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
