so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
