I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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