Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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