The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
