dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
honey bunches of taint.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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