Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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