Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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