If that was your dad, he is hot
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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