Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
