Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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