I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
