great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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