You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
