Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Shame - the story of my life.
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