hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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