Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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