we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
