How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
