So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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