remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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