Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize