Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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