What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
