So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We have started to decorate penises.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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