Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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