Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My feet surprised me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
