thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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