you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
