Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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