I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
