In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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