Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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