margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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