It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
