I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
