Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
