Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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