JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
high people should be assigned attendants
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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