just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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