ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
