i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
