so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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