Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
