@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
