Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
