So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
