i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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