two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
