Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
