I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I've blown a few things in my day
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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