laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
