sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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