I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize