So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
