Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
