Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
