Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
