gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
