i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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