im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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