I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
